Month: May 2021

Making music

I started writing another song last night. It was initially to help me organize and express some thoughts around the work situation within my life so far – how it isn’t exactly consistent in terms of title or finances, but it is always part of being my true self and being committed to making a positive difference in this world. But an unexpected line showed up right at the end of the session last night, and it was clearly part of the chorus. It was a line about listening to the angels around me. And it made sense, but seemed almost out of place for the content so far in the song…

Until today, that is. Today, for whatever reason, a deeper fullness arose for the song. My mom and I discussed the situation with my Opa, how he is dying, and how he might finish that process in the very near future. It is an uncomfortable thought, itself, but we both are ready to allow what needs to happen next in the situation. At least, as ready as we know how to be…

However, after she and I discussed their things for a while, and then got off the phone, I started working on the song again, as I had just begun before our phone call (I think I had, anyway). As I got reacquainted with what I’d written so far, I started feeling what ideas needed to come next. I was reminded of the encouragement my Opa had given me one day, and felt immediately that it was perfect to use for the song, as it expressed what I was wanting to express… and then the idea fleshed out a bit…, and, without realizing it, the song had a deeper meaning.

Not only am I listening to the angels around me, having them call me forward in life, but a new one has just joined them, and he has given me further encouragement to follow this path I am forging in my life. Every time I sang that part of the song, I could barely get words out by the middle of the verse, and had to stop altogether for the tears and emotion that arose. And I think the words communicate beautifully in the song, even without someone’s knowing the whole situation.

Anyway, I look forward to finishing that song, but, boy, is it going to be a tough one, emotionally speaking.

Post-a-day 2021

Fingers crossed

Today, I had an odd combination of events…, and they were all things that I really love and that I look forward to having be part of my life in the near-ish future. A luncheon, some private teaching, a board of directors (that I joined), a buddy run, patches fully sewn, and a song… and none really had anything to do with the next, which made it all the more wonderful and, also, ridiculous that they all came up today.

Plus, on top of it all, my legs almost didn’t hurt at all by this afternoon/evening – praise God, I might be able to function fully again tomorrow onward. But I think I was given this mandatory rest just in time. And I am grateful for it.

Post-a-day 2021

Breathing through the pain

I woke up this morning, unable to walk. It was terrible. In intense pain, I struggled down the stairs to use the bathroom, then back up to see if I could sleep some more. I did sleep more, though it wasn’t as restful as I might have hoped (but as restful as I had expected).

Apparently, I have had some viral infection the past couple weeks-ish. I knew something was up. Stretching was miserably difficult each night, I was exhausted every day and sleeping poorly, and nothing seemed to give me the energy for everyday life, let alone to get through the workouts without feeling ridiculously heavy and incapable… Sure, menstruation has that kind of effect on my body, but only ever for a few days and only ever to a small degree – this was a whole different level of exhaustion and struggle. The kind that just feels like something is wrong inside.

And so it was.

I can finally feel things improving, now, as of a couple days ago. Each day is a little better, and today was the first day I didn’t feel heavy. Of course, it happened also to be the day that my leg muscles determined to be somewhat spastic, and not let me walk without intense pain in my knee/s…, but I’m hoping that will continue to subside overnight tonight, and I will be able to walk comfortably and capably tomorrow.

I didn’t get to exercise today because of that, and I am feeling that tomorrow might be the same. However, I have already scheduled a run with the weighted vest for Thursday morning (he day I usually do not go to the gym, as it is intensely knee-heavy), and a make-up time for the pull-up cycle work I missed this morning.

Anyway, I must sleep now. Goodnight, all… may we all rest deeply and effectively tonight.

Post-a-day 2021

Uh-oh

Have you ever found yourself unexplainably attracted to a person?

I think we almost all have, at least once in life.

There are several distinct, specific qualities or features the person has – qualities that typically involve a total lack of interest for us -, and yet… here we are, attracted… wondering when we might next see this person, next interact with this person.

Okay, so, we’ve mostly all had an unexplainable attraction, yes?
But have you then figured out the attraction, found its source?

I once had it with a guy on whom I had previously had a high school crush. He had gotten quite fat since last I’d seen him, and was physically a total turn-off and non-attraction for me. Yet his personality, combined with how I had seen him back in high school, left me thinking often of him, wanting to spend time with him. In other words, I was attracted to him emotionally, though not physically or sexually.

Okay, so, if you’ve ever later figured out the source of this initially- unexplainable attraction, has it ever been because this person reminds you of someone else? Like a Jake Gyllenhall look-alike, or a Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling… others whom you find physically attractive, famous or not…?

Now, let’s take it a step further. Say you’ve figured out that your attraction to the person was because of the look-alike status. Have you ever, in that moment, then discovered that you find that other person attractive?

Think about that a second.

Person A is unexplainably attractive. Eventually, you discover that Person A looks a lot like Person B, thus explaining the reason for your attraction to Person A, and easing your mind from the constant wonderings regarding how you possibly were attracted to this person with bad posture and crooked teeth. ‘Ah, that’s why! Okay, now it all makes sense…’ And then, like a bolt of lightning, you realize that, the only way for this all to make sense is if you actually found Person B attractive in the first place…, which, apparently, you do…, but you just hadn’t known it until now.

Yeah… that just happened to me.

So, I guess the question that remains is, “Does Person B have a younger, available brother?” ;P

Post-a-day 2021

Volun-cheering

Today was awesome, yet stressful, but both in very good ways.

First, I had an awesome time volunteering with my gym at sunrise for the Bayou City Tri Series 2021 Sylvan Beach Paralympic Triathlon. We had the honor of physically and verbally assisting paratriathletes in their transitions, as they worked toward earning points to be part of Team USA. I think we all look forward to the next such opportunity – it was a blessing and a blast for us all. ❤🤗🙏 💪👊🏻

And it brought me to tears multiple times, it was such an honor to be a part of it all.

It also brought back memories of my many sports volunteering days, and had me wondering yet again if I don’t want to find actual work in that world, somehow… There was a lot that, unfortunately, had not been sorted out properly for the event as a whole – there were other races happening this morning, too. Our little crew took it upon ourselves just to go ahead and handle many of those things, making a tremendous difference for all athletes that were out there racing today. And I enjoyed doing even that stuff.

From there, after the sun was well over the horizon but not all that far up, I headed to a karate tournament that was nearby. It was my first one in roughly 18 years, and my first one ever in the adult division. I was absolutely nervous, but I had all day to get even more so, since my division wasn’t until mid-afternoon. But I had volunteered to take photos, and so I got to enjoy working with that throughout all the kids’ sparring all morning and midday.

I did take a good couple minutes at one point in a private room with myself to talk and make noise and jump and move, fully on my own. And I did give myself close to a minute to go ahead and experience all the pent-up emotion that had been building all day, just a short while before my category was going to be up. (Aka I cried brief tears of stress and anxiety, and let a lot go with them as they lightly tripped out of my eyes.)

I had someone record my match for me, and he did so well enough. It turns out that I actually did better than I had thought I’d done at the actual time of the match. After watching the matches of the adults at the end, the highest ranked individuals, I have been able to see styles of everyone, and how much comfort makes a difference in a match. When someone is comfortable, he or she almost always does very well. When someone is uncomfortable, he or she usually does not very well. That isn’t to say win versus lose – I mean doing well, sparring well, technique-ing well (both attack and defense). Yes, that usually also results in winning, if those are all done well. But it isn’t about winning to me these days, so much as it is about doing well. Winning when doing well, however, just adds to the fun and joy of it all.

I have some specifics on which I want to work – reacting with a point-earning move to being blocked, practicing different point-earning trio combinations, and backward spinning kicks (one would have created a beautiful point today, but I had neither confidence nor comfort in it, so didn’t even consider it – only the video afterward showed me the opportunity [I’d spun and everything, but didn’t even try to hit her with the foot]). Now, just to find the partner to work with me, and the place to do it.

Oh, and this was one of the very few times that I 1)didn’t lose a match at a tournament, and 2)didn’t cry after the match. Good start in my eyes, even just for those two facts! ;P

So, yeah… today was a really great-for-me day, all of its stresses included.

Post-a-day 2021

Nerding

I finally looked up something that had been bugging me. You see, for the workout called “Murph” by CrossFit, something was off. CrossFit said to wear “body armor” or a “20lb weighted vest” for the workout, back when it was first announced officially.

However, the workout itself was the workout done by a man named Michael Murphy. He was a Navy Seal. (Wait for it…) And yes, David Goggins trained with and knew him. (He comes up basically every day, now, no matter that I don’t even try.) From a combination of interviews I read that were about him, I learned that he wore the Navy-issue body armor vest while doing the workout. Someone mentioned in the interview – I think it was his dad – that the vest weighed 16.4 pounds, and that Michael would finish the workout, on average, between 32 and 35 minutes. That means that he did, in just over 30 minutes, a mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats, and another mile run, all while wearing a 16.4lb vest.

But the workout says to wear a 20lb vest. What gives?

Well, I finally looked up the government-issue body armor vests, the ones that were (are?) worn by the Navy from, at least, the year 2000 through the year 2017 (possibly still now, but I didn’t delve that deep). It is called the Interceptor Multi-Threat Body Armor System (IBA).

And guess how much the total weight is. Just guess.

16.4 pounds.

It was an upgrade in lightness from its predecessor, which was 25.1lbs and went by a different name, and the latest version apparently weighs 33.1lbs.

So, under no version of this vest would Lieutenant Michael P. Murphy have had a 20lb vest. And, given the years that he was a Navy SEAL, he would have worn the 16.4lb vest. If he only wore the outer shell of it, it would have been only 8.4lbs. Those are the two options. Not 20lbs.

Anyway, I know officially now what my goal weight is for this workout: 16.4lbs in the vest.

Hashtag NerdAlert ;P

Post-a-day 2021

Oops

Rash news to follow——- you have been warned 😉

………………………

So, the rash is still around, but the tea tree oil treatments seems to be helping significantly. It is only a light pink now, and the skin is dry, with layers peeling off regularly.

That being said, I had a laser hair removal appointment today. If you recall, I first noticed the rash just before my last appointment. At that appointment, the technician certainly noticed the rash and asked about if I was okay, in pain, or whatever. This time, she asked if I still had it. We chatted briefly about the diagnosis and the of late improvements. Upon learning that the rash didn’t actually hurt in any way, and wasn’t uncomfortable physically at all, she asked how I ever noticed it in the first place. When I was shaving?

“No,” I almost snort, “not shaving.”

As I pause to consider how I, in fact, first noticed it, so many weeks ago, she has a short shock of realization strike her face, and she says, as though having realized a major blunder, “Oh…, someone told you.”

It took me only a moment, and then it clicked. And I started to laugh. She was so chastened, and yet she had no actual reason to be. She likely remembered that I have no boyfriend and have had none for many, many years. And she most certainly thought that I was looking for a way not to say that someone else, meaning a guy, had noticed it during a sexual interaction of some sort, and had informed me of the rash.

I clarified for her – not because I was embarrassed, but because I wanted her not to be – how I, on my own, had discovered the rash one night.

It was simultaneously a hilarious and adorable interaction for me, and I loved it.

Post-a-day 2021

Goggins, eh?

It seems that David Goggins is incorporated deeply into my life at this point in time. And I haven’t even finished the book. And I haven’t even done much differently than before I started the book.

He comes up in conversation just about every day, it seems. And I’m not even trying. I’m surprised every time that he’s come up again in a conversation in my daily life not at the gym.

I think I have had such an easy connection with him, because I can relate to much of his mindset. No, I haven’t had the extreme struggles that he has had in life. I haven’t attempted the crazy difficult physical and mental feats that he has. But I use a similar foundational view of my own struggles and physical ontakings, and I feel a certain sense of camaraderie with him because of that. It is as though we have known each other for years and years, at this point, such that it feels like a piece of him is almost always with me. Especially when I’m looking at something that other might consider ridiculous – he is right there with me.

And I love it and am grateful for it.

And I’ve never even met or seen the man in person, or heard his voice. I’ve only seen the cover of the book online, which has a photo of him, and the cover of another book that has the side of his face, as well as the kindle-d occasional black and white photos within the book.

And yet he seems to get me so well, we must be long-time buddies.

And I love that. That is a powerful book.

And I haven’t even finished it yet…

Post-a-day 2021

Progress

I ironed my patches onto my uniform. I feel accomplished, yet also not. I have to sew all around the edges of them tomorrow, using the machine, and I’m more than a touch nervous about that. However, the patches look reasonably straight so far, and I am glad that that step is finally finished. I had intended to do both today, but the first one took so long, figuring out how to line them up properly and make them stay in place so I could try it on, and then adjusting over and over again, and then finally trusting it enough and the pins enough to flip it over an iron it down… It took much too long. But it is finished, and for that I am grateful. 🙂

Thank you, God.

Post-a-day 2021

Wow

It’s funny how, when we are comfortable and confident enough just to speak openly about the things that matter to us, even when one of them might typically be considered as out of place within the current setting, those things end up being exactly what was needed to be said; those things end up being something that gives value beyond expectation to both the conversation and the relationship between those involved in said conversation.

And it’s funny how often I forget that all, and how I am alway at least a little bit surprised whenever it happens.

But it happened twice today, and beautifully so.

In the morning, I shared comfortably about my current menstruation status, and then the conversation turned into my sharing all about how accurate testing body temperature can be for knowing what is going on within a woman’s cycle…, and then I sent a whole link of information on it all to the person after the conversation, because, as it turns out, she has quite irregular cycles and is currently working towards becoming pregnant. Aka my comfort in sharing openly 1) allowed and empowered her to share openly, too, and 2) created a beautiful connection of tools for her current and future endeavors regarding something extremely important to her and her life.

Later today, after a hesitational moment to consider that I truly wanted to proceed with my next idea and comments, I ended up discovering a crazy and fun connection between me and another person at work. And then, through that connection, we found another connection, deep and intense, as I continued to share openly and comfortably and confidently. And then, once more. And it was awesome.

And that I was so entirely comfortable in all of it was awesome. I didn’t even hesitate by the time we got to the last part. It was so easy, I didn’t even have to think about whether it was safe to share about my experience of abuse, or whether it was worth sharing or whatever – I just automatically knew that it was, because of the previous connection in the conversation.

And now the two of us experience one another in an wholly new and positive and loving way. And it was completely worth the risk of sharing that atypical sharing. Totally worth the risk…

Post-a-day 2021