Friday Night Lights…?

Q: What are you doing on this fine, crisp, beautiful Friday night?

A: Sitting on the floor at home, filing my next set of aligners (for teeth, like Invisalign), contemplating life…

Truly, I am…

I had two big things today… one was a total win, and the other is something I would like to call a win, but which doesn’t quite feel like one yet…

The first, it was great(!).

It happened this morning (well, noon-ish, really) at the gym.

For the first time e-v-e-r, I took off my shirt in public.

Okay, except for the time at the topless beach in Barcelona, but that is a totally different situation…. and all the times at the onsen in Japan… again, totally different situation.

This today was during the workout at the gym, when I experienced my long-sleeve shirt to be too much in the middle of the workout… I had contemplated losing it at the same time as the gorgeous latinos were ditching their shirts early on – aka my favorite time of the workout – but was not ready for it, nor desperate enough for it.

However, on the last two of seven rounds of fast squats and burpees (as fast as was sustainable), I had hit the limit of caring about how I might come across to others and how much I wanted not to be wearing my long-sleeve shirt anymore.

I mean, I had even considered how I wanted to lose my pants/leggings, but I didn’t have shorts with me, so the shirt was kind of the only thing I was willing and able to lose without being too ridiculous, even for my own standards… I mean, this was public, not home (and we all know I go without pants at home quite often… like right now, even), so pants needed to stay on.

Anyway, I ditched the shirt, stayed present with myself and my intention of improving my efforts and performance in the workout by having removed my shirt, and I did just that: improved my performance in the workout.

And I wasn’t embarrassed when the guys encouraged me in my workout, but actually encouraged.

And it was kind of totally no big deal that I had no shirt on.

And that was wonderful and absolutely beautiful.

And, though the whole experience was new and slightly uneasy for me, I was comfortable… and that was great.

What’s more, after I had grown comfortable with this all, and the workout was finished, I did a brief evaluation in front of the bathroom mirror…, and I discovered that I not only wouldn’t have been bothered by seeing another female in my physical condition shirtless, but I would have even approved it as quality enough to show off comfortably in other settings – aka though it isn’t required for being shirtless, I look fit enough to show it off, which is a whole ‘nother win for myself today.

I was comfortable and confident enough to ditch the shirt, and I am at a fitness level that I’m even a bit proud of how I look…. I already have been proud of how hard I have been working in these past several months, but today I got to be proud specifically of how I look from all of that work… which is a wonderful little bonus to all the rest. 🙂

So, that was awesome.

Now, the second thing was kind of total suck…

I was told, after practice today, that blah-blah-blah I am not allowed to coach the boys anymore… and not by any fault of my own, mind you… administrative blah-blah-blah was the declaration.

Based on many other events that have happened since… well, over the past while…, it definitely didn’t feel like that was the reason, and I definitely, for the first time in my life, could relate to the desire of throwing a flaming bag of s*** on someone’s front porch – dog, not human, because human would be just too much… eew… anyway…

Naturally, I dismissed the idea easily, for I didn’t actually want to do it, but part of me wanted to release the extreme upset caused by certain others.

You know what I mean?

Anyway, so I don’t get to coach the boys anymore – I love them dearly and I miss them already, and this was a conversation I was expecting to be having one day soon… and I am glad that it is over and done with now…

Yes, total heartbreak for me.

No, not the end of the world.

Just the end of this part of it…

And, the reason I want to call this one a win, even though it definitely doesn’t feel like it at present, is because I accept that this is a clear sign from God and the Universe that something else is coming for me… I had to be removed by shock from the place and state and situation of dis-ease – because there was just too much unease for me in that place, despite the fact that I felt so much love from the lacrosse folks – so that I would make a change in my life to develop something infinitely better in my life and with my life.

As I said to myself earlier today, I have so much to offer, and that just wasn’t the best situation for me to offer myself and my life fully – something better will arise, now that it has the space to do so.

Now that I did not have that time commitment, I have loads of time open for something else, something better… something more specifically tailored to using my skills and God-given talents to serve the world, to be God in the world around me, to let my light of God within shine and have it inspire those around me… this little light of mine has been growing, and it is starting to burn like a fiery blaze… not everyone is ready for that yet, so I must find whoever is ready for it.

And that’s what I’m contemplating tonight, as I file my teeth aligners and prepare for bed on this beautiful Friday night that everyone else seems to be out celebrating (but I have to be up really early tomorrow morning, so I can go earn some money for this insane life I seem to be leading). 😛

Anyway…

Let’s roast some marshmallows, y’all… this fire is ready.

🙂

Post-a-day 2019

Double duty, and in festivewear

I went to the gym twice today…

I wore all black with an adorable pumpkin cut-out shirt my mom had made years ago, and I looked very festive.

And I loved it.

And, though it occurred to me that I would be doing the exact same workout in the afternoon as I had done at 5-ish in the morning, if I went a second time to the gym, I never really resolved the question of whether it made sense or was a good idea.

I had simply thought yesterday of how I needed to make up having missed so much the past few days (and couple weeks, really), and how I wouldn’t be able to go Saturday to the workout, and so mathed out that I needed to go twice today to meet my minimum desired attendance at the gym for the week…

I had many thoughts and considerations regarding what to do and what made the most sense, but never reached a consensus on anything, other than that the math needed me to go a second time one of the remaining days in the week…

And so, without having reached any resolution, really, I showed up again.

The coach commented only once on that he could have sworn I had been there this morning, and I agreed with him.

Otherwise, he accepted easily my being there and doing the workout again, which I took as approval enough on the physical side of things (in terms of working the same muscles too much, or something like that – I know well enough when to stop myself for safety and all, of course).

It turned out that I worked out even harder this afternoon than I did this morning, and I think it was because I knew what was ahead of me and that I had already done it with certain weights and pacing… and so I increased the weights appropriately and cautiously, and really took on the workout for the struggle it was intended to be.

Not that I went easy this morning, but I improved technique on some things this afternoon, and I generally have more energy in the afternoons anyway, so I was able to do more altogether this afternoon.

Plus, I took a different option on the part where we could choose which task to do, thereby working out a different muscle set for that activity to round off the workout.

So, I just went harder and heavier this afternoon, and felt awesomely proud of myself for being absurd in such a silly way today.

Go, me. 😀

Haha

✨💗💫😂🧘🏻‍♀️❤

🤗🙏🐪

🦖 🦖🐘 🦍

🏋🏼‍♀️ 🙄🤔🤨

Post-a-day 2019

Halloween

Tomorrow is Halloween… I wonder if people will be coincidentally painting the town orange for the Astros and their being World Champions again, or if it merely will be casual black and orange and costumes for Halloween…

We shall see, I suppose… and I will know tomorrow, since I am already going to bed now…

Good luck, folks, and happy playing. 🙂

P.S. Halloween has become more of a reminder of Día de Muertos for me, the true holiday in my life, it seems… ;P

Post-a-day 2019

Singing, high and low

At the opera tonight, I found myself thinking once again about the the sound of the origination of different vocal ranges within people’s bodies in opera.

This is not at all from where the sounds actually come, but merely a feeling I always get when I hear certain ranges – like when you hear something that clearly came from around the corner to your right… that’s the kind of feeling I mean…

Divide the body two ways: front-center-back and left-middle-right.

When the first prominent bassist was singing in his deep, deep range, it felt like the sound was coming from deep within him…. center of the body’s depth, middle of the left-middle-right spectrum, and at the level just below the groin…

It made me laugh a little, actually, because it occurred to me that this tied in somewhat to the concept of boys having their organs drop, and thereby having their voices deepen… so, perhaps the bassist really do have further-dropped organs than other men… 😛

And, whenever they sing higher in their range, bassists seem to be originating their sound from middle center stomach, the lower belly level…

Moving on…

Sopranos always show up to me, when at the very top of their range, to be originating in the back middle of their throats and mouths, and even down just a bit in their throats, about where am Adam’s apple would be.

(In the middle of their range, they seem to be in the front of the throat, and even more toward the lips, the lower they go, to the point at which they seem to be singing from their front teeth in their lower range of soprano.)

For tenors, they seem to be coming from middle front and middle center at the level of the very bottom of their rib cages, and just above and behind the navel.

Baritones, I haven’t figured out yet, as I didn’t listen for it consciously tonight during the short time that we had a baritone singing solo in the show… – yes, he came back from his early death, but his ghost didn’t stick around for very long whenever it finally made its inevitable appearance… they might be at the back middle, far behind the navel, at the back of the bottom of the rib cage…., but I’m not sure.

And altos…., well, they are chorus…, so not much solo sounds there either tonight…

And countertenors, I’m pretty sure, show up as a floating bubble of air just in front of their mouths… (If you don’t know what a countertenor is, definitely look that one up – it is with knowing.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts that arose tonight again… kind of odd, huh?

It sort of makes sense, but also sort of totally doesn’t, right?

Meh… 😛

Post-a-day 2019

Bedsheet mix-up

For some reason, when I moved at some point, one of my fitted bedsheets went missing.

And it isn’t like the bedsheet is a plain white or solid color that could be easily mixed up with others – it is white background covered in light, pale green leaves and plants (so it is mostly pale green).

I have the pillowcase and the top sheet, and even the comforter (which doesn’t match but was given to me with them) for them…. just not the fitted sheet.

And so, every time I switch out of the cat sheets – yes, they were the kitty cat sheets my stepsister picked out when we were little, and they somehow became mine for life in recent years – and into my ‘other set’, which happens to be the plant set – a set which is actually quite new and unused – I end up having to use a towel or two, and maybe a blanket for extra coverage, in lieu of a top sheet, and under the comforter (if it is cool enough for the comforter, that is).

Right now, I’m sleeping mostly on top of the comforter with it wrapped around me also as a top sheet, thereby giving me extra cushion and a top sheet.

And I only really got that idea from the fact that I was out of extra clean towels and blankets due to the recent animal disaster situation, and my not having been able to get through all the laundry yet, since I only just cleaned out everything the other night, right before leaving town until tonight.

That and the fact that I had already been sleeping somewhat like a burrito/sandwich with this comforter downstairs for the previous couple weeks when I was displaced from my room and had been able only to rescue the single comforter and pillow case in my moments of panicky hurry.

So, you know… I just kept the comforter for another handful of days while I figure things out a little better.

I called my mom and asked if she can look for the top sheet, and I’m hoping she finds it… it definitely would make me more likely to walk my sheets more often, if I actually had a second set to use immediately each time…

Post-a-day 2019

Sleeping in the shower

Do you ever get into a warm shower at the end of the day, absolutely exhausted and ready to be in bed, asleep, and find yourself, quite a while later, still standing in that shower, having accomplished almost nothing involved with actually showering, for you have been going back and forth between states of mostly asleep and zombie-esque nonsensical function?

Yeah, I do, too…

And tonight was another one of those occasions.

Fortunately, though, it doesn’t happen near so often as it happened when I was growing up (especially while I was in high school).

It’s no fun wasting the water, but, sometimes, we’re just that tired that we can’t seem to do anything about it – we want to be done with the shower, and so jump forward in the shower routine, not to recall at the perceived end that we haven’t even washed our hair or face yet, and then we end up washing our body again after the hair and face, because we’ve forgotten that we’d already done that part, since we went out of order in this zombied state of functioning…

::sigh……

And this all – and the idea of sleeping in the shower – suddenly brings to mind that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer decides to live in his shower full-time… he gets a phone and radio and garbage disposal (for food scraps) for his shower, and probably some other things, all so that he can spend all of his time in the shower….

However, one thing I’m not sure if I ever considered until now: How does he sleep???….

I’m not sure they addressed it in the show… sure, he could sleep in the shower, as it is cozy, but it wouldn’t be very comfortable – it’s too small to lie down comfortably to sleep, and sleeping standing doesn’t actually work for humans too well…

Cows on the other hand…..

Post-a-day 2019

Sioux living

I watched the film “Dances with Wolves” tonight for the first time.

It stressed me out a lot.

It was a really, really well done film…. really…

Kevin Costner is adorably handsome in it.

It hurts my heart that people like the “white men” in the beginning and end still exist today – they are the kinds of people who give me stress whenever I cross them, for I cannot understand their misplaced, narrow viewpoint of the world… and I do not yet know what to do about it – I know something must be done about it, however, if we are to survive as a people on this planet.

Anyway… it is a beautifully done film, and it is very much worth watching… I am glad I finally saw it as an adult, for I think it would have been perceived extremely differently by me as a child, and I want to have had this experience, as an adult watching it for the first time.

And the soundtrack is spectacular, totally worth hearing.

Give it a watch (and listen).

And then, just because it is related through the director and main actor of the film, go look up some of Kevin Costner’s music – he has a band, and they perform together, and the music is wonderful… that man had spirit worth sharing with the world, and I am grateful that he shares it with us.

Post-a-day 2019

Hospital Humor

Walking out of the hospital, through the cold evening air of our recently arrived cold front, I reflect on our time in the hospital room, and I can’t help but to smile and let out a bit of a chuckle, shaking my head ever so slightly.

We were all sitting around, chatting casually, occasionally commenting on a “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle, if we happened to look up in time to catch a new one.

My mom was across the room, facing me.

My grandma was to my left, and my opa was to my right (“grandpa” in German), still lying on the hospital bed.

Thus the memory begins:

My grandma is reading the label of a nut and seed butter I had brought with me, one which everyone found to be delicious.

As she reads, she pronounced “Celtic” with a soft c, and s sound.

Grandma: Pumpkin seeds, and Celtic sea salt… Celtic… Celtic sea salt

Opa, at the same time: I really like peanuts.

I look at my mom, and begin to chuckle silently, rolling my eyes.

Mom: What?

Hannah: I feel like I’m in a room with two kids: [I motion my arm toward my grandma] One’s practicing a tongue twister, [the other hand and a head nod toward my opa] the other’s saying just things he likes, “I Love peanuts…”

Opa, still continuing his list of likes: I like cashews,…

My mom and I look at each other again.

Hannah: You see?!

We both crack up quietly and calmly, but genuinely.

I continue for his list: I like Batman

Opa, still listing: I like Brazil nuts…

Mom : I like fire trucks

Mom and I are really laughing now.

Opa pauses ever so slightly, then adds: I even like Hannah

My mom and I glance at one another, and then at Opa to verify that we heard correctly, and then we all start to crack up together.

Opa: save the best for last

Chuckling continues all around, as all four of us have joined in on the joke of how silly everything is in the moment, and the love that we all have for one another – it is fun to play with those who love us.

Post-a-day 2019

“In my room….”*

It is 3:48am right now, and I am only just going to bed.

But – and this is a big but (but not a big butt) – I am going to bed in my bed.

I spent the last few hours cleaning up and clearing out everything from the fly miniature disaster the then week, and everything seems to be I good shape up here in my room.

So, exhausted as all else, but relieved, I am going to sleep in my own room and in my own bed tonight.

Yahoo!

Wahe Guru!

*Beach Boys song reference

Post-a-day 2019

Bolo Ram, and have it all

Tonight, I share the words of a meditation we have been doing the past almost-week, which is focused on “wanting nothing”.

Whenever I used to hear the word “want”, I saw it with the view of “desire”.

Ever since I learned German, I see that definition only second, for the original definition and connotation(?) arises first: to lack.

From this perspective, this definition, “wanting nothing” comes across differently.

By the “desire” interpretation, one could have little to nothing or have loads, but desire nothing.

By the original meaning interpretation, one has everything needed and lacks nothing.

I fully prefer the original meaning interpretation for the word “wanting” in this case (and just about everywhere, really).

And so, we have this lovely meditation for “wanting nothing”, aka “lacking nothing”.

Bolo Ram, Bolo Ram, Bolo Ram

Roughly translated, it is, “Let us shout ‘God’ together.”

I have greatly enjoyed this meditation, as well as its intentions.

Post-a-day 2019

P.S. Find a description of the full meditation here and links to the music for the meditation here.